


Four-Leaf Clover

by write_away



Category: Kaleidotrope (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Drew just angsts a lot about how Harrison loves Cal instead of him, Episode 4, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23746330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/write_away/pseuds/write_away
Summary: Drew tries to send a text confessing his love, but he can't help but wonder if Harrison is better off without it.
Relationships: Drew/Harrison (Kaleidotrope)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33
Collections: Happy Birthday Maika





	Four-Leaf Clover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaikkaPakka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaikkaPakka/gifts).



> I like angst. I hope you do too.
> 
> Happy birthday, Maika!

_ “Cal. The Humans of Sidlesmith columnist. He wrote in his column this week that  _ _ finding love on this campus is like looking for a four-leaf clover: you can say all you want  _

_ that it’s luck, but really, it’s you choosing to wander through a sunny meadow with your  _ _ eyes wide open to the possibilities." _

-Harrison, Episode 4

* * *

Drew wants to scream.

There is a  _ reason  _ he stays anonymous, there is a  _ reason  _ he keeps his thoughts to himself and his notebook and his column, there is a  _ reason  _ he cannot allow himself to be laid out bare and raw and open for everyone to see. Even the thought of being known makes his heart try to claw its way out of his ribcage, its beat roaring in his ears. He swore off love years ago as a precautionary measure.

Yet.

There’s something about Harrison that makes him wonder if it’s worth it. 

Love is getting lucky enough to co-host a radio show with a boy who makes your head rush. Love is being open-minded to the possibility of spending your nights dreaming about that boy, of holding your breath every time your fingers brush as you reach for a Samoa, of wrestling your phone out of his hand and bursting into laughter. 

Love is a  _ choice, _ so why the hell can’t he choose to  _ stop? _

Hearing his own words parroted back at him - misinterpreted, mind you - with such veneration in Harrison’s voice was like a stab in the gut. The easy dismissal of his belief in love twisted the knife. 

His thumbs have been hovering over a confession for half an hour and he still can’t get it right. He isn’t sure what he wants to confess, if he’s being honest. That he’s Cal? That he’s afraid to choose love? That he’s somehow fallen into it anyway?

He almost wishes he could write into the show and get some advice if only to see how Harrison’s eyes light up. It would be a nice change from the wariness and frustration that peeks out every time Drew can’t resist rolling his eyes at yet another ridiculous text message. Sometimes, he pretends that joy is directed at him. 

All Drew can think about is that this is yet another reason Harrison could never like him back. He’s a skeptic, he’s a pessimist, he’s a moody, grumpy  _ asshole  _ who can’t seem to handle his emotions like a rational person, and frankly, Harrison is perfectly justified in hating him.

But if he hates him…

If Harrison hates him, there’s no chance that Drew will be able to break his heart. He’ll be safe. He’ll be happy. It’s almost a relief. 

But Drew doesn’t like the idea of Harrison being happy without him.

God, he is a  _ terrible  _ person. Harrison is better off hating him forever. 

He deletes the text, throws his phone across the room, and finally screams. He screams at the world, at himself, at Harrison, at luck and fate and all the short straws he seems to be pulling in life, at goddamn  _ Sidlesmith _ until his screaming turns to sobs and he falls asleep face-first in the pillows, heart aching like it hasn’t in years. 

* * *

**_An unsent text to: Harrison_ **

_ I think you’re my four-leaf clover.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it!


End file.
